10) Relationship status is a mutual decision. As illustrated above, lots of problems can arise from a unilateral status change. All of your friends get that update in real time, not a fun way to find out that the dream is over. On the flipside, if someone doesn’t agree that the 2 of you are dating, engaged, married or complicated, it’s probably a good time to have an offline conversation.
9) It’s OK to look through your friend’s friends for people you might want to meet/ date/ friend. It’s not OK to skip the middleman on the introduction. I get freaked out when anyone I don’t know tries to friend me. I assume they’re trying to sell me something, stalking me or both. In the same vein, it’s not OK to willy-nilly friend all of anyone’s friends (even someone you’re dating). It’s friend snipering and it’s not cool.
Ask first before friending (word to the wise, ‘friending’ is OK to use as verb {gerund, really} in reference to social media, please use ‘befriending’ in all other verb situations) a close friend’s ex-squeeze. It’s common courtesy and it’s part of the Bro Code.
7) It’s OK to remain friends with someone you used to date on Facebook. We can be grownups about this. Just prepare yourself to see some status updates that you could probably do without.
6) Posting a ton of pics, vids and comments regarding a recent, failed relationship is a bad idea. If you need a lifeline, phone a friend don’t ask the audience.
5) As with all things, there is such thing as too much information. The airing grievances are best done over email, telephone and brunch. Likewise, starting a group about how John Tucker must die, while possibly cathartic, but it smacks of sour grapes. Starting a Facebook group called “I Hooked Up With Dane Cook And All I Got Was This Lousy Comedy CD” is, however, hilarious. Also, keep them photos safe for work.
4) This is sort of an addendum to 2 previous rules, but it bears it’s own space: don’t friend an ex’s new squeeze if you’re not actually friends. It’s easy not friending someone. In fact, it takes more energy to friend someone than not friend them. And nothing good can come of this. It’s the social media version of John Cusack watching through the eyes of John Malkovich’s daughter as his 2 former girlfs kiss in the end of Being John Malkovich. No, life isn’t fair.
3) Know the difference between the Wall and a message. Facebook should devise a multiple-choice test for every new member. It will include questions like: The note “I luv u sooooo much baaaaaaaaby. I can’t waaaaaaait too seeee u 2nite” belongs in A) a private message; B) the Wall; or C) a coloring book for the mentally-special. In addition, know when and whom to Poke, Super Poke and Gift.
2) Again, the interweb is not a therapy session and probably shouldn’t be used with severely impaired judgment (especially sites with largely public IDs like Facebook). For instance, there are only 2 occasions when you tell someone that you had a huge crush on them in high school (if you must): a best-selling memoir or in a situation where you think this may get them to sleep with you… in the next 15 minutes.
1) Above all other rules (in this actually is in the Facebook rules), do not create a fake page as a way to punish an ex. Creating a page about your old opposite number and listing; “pooping in the bed,” “giving people crabs” and “stealing from people I date” may seem funny, but it’s the grown-up equivalent of grabbing a 7-year old’s hand, smacking him with it and then telling him to “stop hitting yourself” over and over (that is, something that you can only do to your own kid). And it’s a good way to get sued for like $40,000 (see the case of Raphael, Grant).
